Super Bowl Sins

February 8, 2010

Holy shit, get me to church. I’m a believer! And I have sinned! Wash me of my sins – dear Breesus! – and make me whole again.

Okay, scratch the “shit” part. I’m fallible, you know. But I am ready for my Super Bowl redemption. And here are my Super Bowl sins (in no particular order):

* I bet against Breesus.

* I placed that bet with my father.

* Worse, I lost that bet to my father.

* I’ve contemplated sending him a check as payment along with a note from my daughter regarding the hardships she’ll be forced to endure IF he cashes the check that he rightfully earned. (Read: Manipulation.)

* I had inappropriate and economically-impossible desires for automobiles.

* I had unnecessary and health-threatening desires for Doritos.

* I pretended to understand commercials that I did not understand while in the presence of others.

* I had mean-spirited thoughts about the members of The Who for torturing the songs that are rightfully theirs.

* I had inappropriate thoughts about Breesus’ wife.

* I defended by inappropriate thoughts about Breesus’ wife with this logic: Breesus should not have a wife while saving the rest of us from our sins.

* I spent the time leading up to the Super Bowl reading my old copy of “The Catcher in the Rye.”

* While reading my circa 1982 copy of “The Catcher in the Rye,” I found that I had underlined this passage: “I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It’s awful.”

* I did not go where I was invited to go.

* Worse, I did not appropriately notify those who thought I would be arriving at their parties.

* And, finally, I fully participated in the spectacle.

Like I said, “Save me Breesus, Save me!”

Posted by M. Colby | Filed Under blog 

Comments

3 Responses to “Super Bowl Sins”

  1. Peter Buknatski on February 8th, 2010 4:42 pm

    They out-played (out-passed) the Colts. So they deserved to win (unless it was a fix). And all you need in life is Bud and Doritos so you can save up for that car called: MAN’s LAST STAND. Missed the pro-life ad. Well. They’ll be more of them–spring training just around the corner.

  2. mentor? on February 8th, 2010 6:49 pm

    who cares?

  3. M. Colby on February 8th, 2010 8:02 pm

    Apparently those who take the time to comment.

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