Suffering Through the Dem Debate

November 16, 2007

I did it. I watched my first presidential debate last night. And, boy, do I ever feel stupid. What a mess. What a spectacle of nothingness. What an intellectual cesspool. I should have followed the advice of a friend who upon hearing that I was going to watch the debates said that he’d rather “spend two hours making sculptures with the cat litter.” Indeed.

As we all know by now, it was the Dems’ turn to take the stage last night and bicker, posture and pretend that they had a plan to clean up the White House after Bush has trashed it better than any Frat-boy party could have dreamed of. “Oh fuck, it’s morning, dude.” Yes, indeed, it’s morning in America, as Reagan would say. But this time we’ve got one hell of a political and economic hangover.

First, I’ll play the game of punditry and announce the winner as I saw it: Dennis Kucinich. Hands down. The poor guy was the only one who apparently understood they were at a debate with serious issues on the table and serious citizens looking for some answers and some truth. And so he said he’d end the war now, he’d vote to impeach Bush now and he’d roll back the terrible trade policies that are crippling the working class. But before he could get too far into his substantive answers, the moderator of the silly affair, Wolf Blitzer (is that really his name?), would cut him off and give him the kind of brush off that the crazy uncles at next week’s Thanksgiving meals will be getting all across the nation.

Blitzer and the other so-called journalists at the event, Donner and Dasher – or whatever the hell their names were, did their best to keep the riff-raff like Kucinich out of the debate from the very beginning. The media had already billed this as a not-so-kinky threesome between Hillary “Will She Recover?” Clinton, Barack “I’m So Smooth I Don’t Have Opinions” Obama and John “The More I Lose the Closer to the Truth I get” Edwards. The rest of them were basically treated like speed bumps to slow down the pseudo-fighting between the big three.

Kucinich, for example, didn’t even get to respond to a question until almost 30 minutes into the two-hour debate. And that was when Blitzer asked each one to declare – yes or no! – if they’d be willing to support the eventual Dem nominee. Like little yes-only bobble-head dolls, every one of them quickly and enthusiastically answered yes – with the exception of Kucinich. His reply? “Only if they oppose war as an instrument of policy.” Oh my goodness, did someone fart? Get him out of the room! Or at least remind him that this is about posturing and preening, not principles, you fool.

I was just happy that Peter Welch wasn’t there. Imagine the melee he would have caused by stirring up the hundreds in attendance by huffing and puffing over the agenda and the waterboarding-like insistence that politicians answer a question with either “yes or no.” Perhaps he could learn a little something from Kucinich who dutifully played along but – gasp! – answered the “yes or no” question with a little creativity.

Kucinich also mentioned the “impeachment” word, too. It came while the rest of the dawdling Dems were splitting hairs and putting the audience to sleep over their various long-winded plans for stopping Bush & Cheney from going to war with Iran. But Kucinich cut to the chase: “Impeach them now!” Oh no, another fart in the room! Don’t worry, though, Blitzer cut him off, but not before the audience roared with approval. And then the rest of the candidates dutifully doused the passion in the room by carrying on as if the mention of impeachment never even came up. Never mind.

But I guess I’m breaking all the rules by not spending all my time mentioning Clinton, Obama and Edwards. Okay, here you go: Clinton is awful and the Dems are total and complete fools for thinking they are going to get anywhere with her. If she wins the nomination, the Clinton fatigue will be so high that inspiring the base will be a near-impossible task – especially without the Bush-man around to knock around. Sorry, but when you put Hillary against a fresh little Republican prick, she’s going to start sounding, looking and acting really, really old and tired. Well, unless the Republicans imitate the Dems by nominating the Fred Thompson corpse.

Enough with the Clintons. Enough with the Bushes. They’ve had a family member in the White House continuously since 1980. And if Hillary gets the Dem nod, the aristocratic repulsion coupled with her hawkish distaste to the liberal base will make it really hard to counter the right-wing pummeling she’ll be facing. Let’s face it, Hillary’s soooo yesterday. And the more she pulls Bill out to flack for her the more yesterday her campaign looks.

And then there’s Obama. Poor Obama. The guy entered this race with so much hope but now has that pathetic look about him that says one thing: I forgot who I am and what I believe. Sure, he’s got the poise and the stature but he’s been so manhandled by his DC-elite-handlers in the last year that he’s basically morphed into a robot. And when you’re knocked so far out of your own political orbit and the handlers, pollsters and consultants have so clearly taken over, you never know what to say or believe. The result? A passionless puddle of confusion. Thanks, handlers.

Finally, we’ve got the pretty boy, John Edwards. Ain’t he pretty? Wasn’t that a good idea to get that growth removed from his lip? It makes him even prettier. Oh, issues? Sorry, but Edwards seems to have one policy when it comes to the issues: move to the left every time he loses. And the more he loses, the more he moves to the left. Remember Edwards in 2004? He was the typical centrist southern Dem. You know, kind of like Lieberman with a drawl. But then he lost and then he moved to the left. And now he’s losing and he’s moving more to the left. And while I’ve obviously got no problem with his tippy-toeing to the left, he makes it look so trial lawyerish (read: contrived). Whatever it takes to sway that jury, huh? No thanks, I prefer a little authenticity with my political meal.

Oh yeah, the debate. I almost forgot. Or maybe I was trying to forget. Kucinich won. The American people lost. And Blitzer, Donner and Dasher need to check in with Santa.

Happy Friday.

Posted by M. Colby | Filed Under blog, media & politics, national media, us politics

Comments

2 Responses to “Suffering Through the Dem Debate”

Nate Freeman on November 16th, 2007 5:57 pm

I’m still hanging on for dark horse Richardson to come out of Iowa. Makes me feel like a Red Sox fan in the 1980’s.
Peter Buknatski on November 18th, 2007 3:51 pm

I want Hillary and Condi running in ‘08. I want the election formated to the Ms. America Beauty Pagent–there will have to be a swimsuit competition. (Jesus–4 more years)

Got something to say?