On Stupid Questions, Pie throwing, Waterboarding, Parading, and The Feelies
July 7, 2008
Oh boy, they weren’t kidding when they said the air quality was going to be bad today. Yikes. Let’s give a big “thanks” to the Ohio River Valley for all their coal burning, eh? One…two…three: Fuck you. There, I feel better.
Because, earlier, I was trying to continue my pursuit of being the firewood king of this little section of this little road in this little town in this little state (hey, you gotta start somewhere). But, after awhile, I felt like I was moving in air that was more akin to syrup than freshness. And then my hypochondriacal mind heard the weather forecast saying: bad air, bad air, bad air. Up went the pulse, out went the initiative, and in went I – straight to the hot office, the fan, the music and the yearning to play blogger boy.
So, let’s get some random stuff off the desk.
First up: Politics. Nancy Remson of the Burlington Free Press asked the most ridiculous question in the blogosphere late last week in her post, “Iraq War Cost.” Here’s the money quote from the short blog entry:
The war has been an important issue for some Vermonters. Candidates such as Congressman Peter Welch, D-VT, and perhaps those running for governor could be asked questions about the toll the war is taking on Vermont.
Ya think? Other than that, I just want to cry.
Speaking of politics, the Vermont media and blogosphere is abuzz about the pie that Governor Jim Douglas (R-VT) took to his face during Montpelier’s Fourth of July parade last week. Since I’m sure that anyone who cares about this issue has already read and commented about it, I’ll steer clear of the specifics.
Instead, I’d like to focus on the kindergarten-like partisan reaction that the incident has received from the good Democrats – mostly in blogland. In short, they thought it was great, funny, deserved or otherwise just a hoot (opinions that I can mostly agree with since I’m all in favor of good political theatre).
But wait. Aren’t these the same people who got their panties in a knot over the efforts of the anti-war crowd to hold Democratic Congressman Peter Welch’s feet to the fire by asking him –gasp – “yes or no” questions about his position on the War on Iraq? Yes, they were.
So, to these folks, pushing a pie in the face of the governor is “great” but asking a congressman who has been waffling on the war to answer “yes or no” about his positions on that war is “grandstanding,” “rude,” “cheap,” and “counter-productive.”
Got it.
In other words, it depends on your party affiliation. And that, my friends, is why I detest party affiliations and the dumbed-down rationale that accompanies them.
I can’t imagine, for example, the “outrage” these folks would have expressed if anyone – from the left or the right – had done the same thing to one of their darlings, Leahy, Sanders or Welch. Or, worse, image the indignation if their hero-of-the-moment, Obama, got a pie?
Get real, folks. Or, better yet, trade those cheerleading outfits in for some thinking caps. And soon.
Speaking of ninnies, did you see the video of Christopher Hitchens of Vanity Fair undergoing some waterboarding treatment? Priceless. Click here and see it. Now. Besides kinda-sorta-maybe enjoying seeing this bloated bastard getting the waterboarding treatment, I was left asking this question: Why, Christopher Hitchens, are you so goddamn stupid?
For those who didn’t click on the link, let me explain. Hitchens, you see, was pro-waterboarding until he actually subjected himself to it. But, for those amongst us with some brains, a semi-working conscience, and some imagination, we didn’t need to actually go through a waterboarding demonstration to realize that, yes, it IS both terrifying and torturous to go through. Duh.
What’s next, Hitch? You gonna check and see if a lethal injection is, indeed, lethal? You go, boy.
–
Oh yeah, the parade. Yes, we made it through the Montpelier parade last Thursday without a hitch. Well, actually, we did have a hitch: two mighty draft horses that did us proud and pulled a wagon-full of wavers. The horses belonged to horse-logger Paul Ruta, and yours truly got to sit in the co-pilot’s seat “just in case.” Well, there was no “just in case,” so I got to wave just like Miss Vermont. Take that, Boots.
And for those wondering what the hell I was doing on a float that carried a “Pollina for Governor” poster on it, let me explain: I’m just a damn nice guy. It turns out that the other “helper/teamster” invited, Duffy Gardener, is married to a Pollina devotee and former employee, Krista Harness. We had one of those moments that John Stewart would describe as “aaawwwkkkwwwaaarrrddd” when she arrived with her Pollina sign. And when Paul asked her where she wanted to put it, she glanced at me and responded that “some people here aren’t Pollina supporters.”
“That would be me,” I interjected.
But then she tucked the sign inside the wagon and declared that she’d be happy to just hold it if necessary.
Not wanting to rain on the parade mood (image that), I told her she could do whatever she wanted with her sign. And Paul had the great suggestion that since I was going to ride on the left side of the driver’s bench, she could put it on the right side of the wagon. Perfect, I’m to the left of Pollina – even on a horse hitch. But those plans changed when, shortly before the parade started (and after the sign was affixed), teamster Paul asked me to switch sides with him.
‘Nuf said on that.
The parade was a hoot. Paul and his horses did great. The only real drama came while we hitched and drove them from the Two Rivers Center out near Agway into town on our “practice” night and the night of the parade. Let’s just say that drivers on Route 2 at rush hour aren’t two considerate of horses and horse speed. Bastards. But we survived. And better yet, we got ‘dem horses through the parade without incident and with many a cheer.
But, I’m convinced, the cheers would have been louder from the right side without that goddamn Pollina poster.
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t send out one, big, jealous “fuck you” to my brother, Todd, who recently posted this little missive on his blog regarding his trip to the Sonic Youth/The Feelies concert in Brooklyn last weekend. Ah, two of my all-time favorite bands. Check out his Feelies links in a previous post. They’re fantastic.
Now, please, let me get back to the bad air. I’ve got peas to pick.
Carry on.
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3 Responses to “On Stupid Questions, Pie throwing, Waterboarding, Parading, and The Feelies”
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Nice one.
Nice?
You get any more homespun and you’ll be the Ross Perot of Vt.–able to fuck-up any and all elections with a simple: ‘Hey, listen!’
On stakeout last night agent wdh3 informed me a landslide is coming for the black bird in November. Keep this under your tree.
Something tells me this isn’t the first time Douglas has had white cream on his face.