My So-Called Life (And Jabs, too!)
May 21, 2008
Oh boy. This again. The blank page, that is. Well, the blank page and the unmasked understanding that I am I and you are you. Nothing hidden. Kind of unnerving in a straight-no-chaser kind of a way.
Sure, I’ve been writing. And working the four-legged creatures. And gardening. And roaming the woods. And playing the “hello, how are you?” guy in the greater-Worcester area. Remember, always say you’re “busy.” It’s kind of a social requirement today.
But the writing’s been for others. Yeah, that’s right, I’ve been “assuming the character” again. But not the Snarky Boy thing – so don’t bother checking that old site (for now). Instead, I’ve been helping people you probably know make sense out of the thoughts going on in their heads. Hmm, that doesn’t sound quite right, either. Let’s be more clear: I’ve been writing what other people can’t seem to write. I guess that makes me a hired word gun. Deal with it. Or, better yet, sign up for the services before your competition gets me first. You know where to reach me.
Sorry, but I get a rather perverse pleasure of smelling like horse shit and writing fancy copy for those who get reams of ink for being – well – fancy. Or smart. Or popular. So I say giddy-up by day – or at least until lunchtime (goddamn back problems) – and then write-it-up for the “clients” for the rest of the workday. And guess what? Words pay more than logs – by far. It’s the American way: Bullshit pays. Hard work doesn’t. Just ask Obama. Or Trump.
Interestingly enough, one of my clients contacted me after reading my clumsy flirtations with running for political office (hey, let’s call that whole period late-winter-insanity, okay?). And when they told me they wanted that voice for their own endeavors I’d be lying if I didn’t say that the first thing that crossed my mind was being on the receiving end of “client number nine.” Well, except I didn’t have to wear stockings. I just had to have clever prose. Whatever. Since I’m not fortunate enough to be on the giving end of the new American economy, I might as well get used to receiving. Cash, that is – you sick bastard.
And the second thing that crossed my mind was the Velvet Underground’s “I’ll Be Your Mirror.” Yeah, that song, the one with Nico telling folks in her sultry way that she’ll “be your mirror, reflect what you are, in case you don’t know.” Ah, delicious. Here’s a rather lame YouTube version of it for you folks without a clue:
And so it goes. I’m a word whore and you’re not. Be proud.
As for political matters, wake me when it’s over. I couldn’t be more disgusted with the political state of things. It’s all the fucking same: The media sleeps while the politicians spin their nonsense. And on and on it goes.
It’s worse in Vermont than anywhere. Because in Vermont we pretend we’re better when we’re swimming in the same ninny-filled political/media cesspool. Consider the fact that not one media outlet is willing to cover the fact that Anthony Pollina changed his official campaign biography last week to delete the line about having “run” the Vermont Milk Co. until 2008 as a result of pressure from yours truly AND the fact that the company is tanking and it is now politically expedient to distance himself from the company he once wrapped his political fortunes in. Oops, I guess mentioning Pollina and “political fortunes” in the same sentence is an oxymoron. Sorry about that.
The Vermont media, led by the laziest of the lazy, Wilson Ring (wake up!), is also deep in their self-fulfilling nonsense of anointing Peter Welch to a life-term in Congress. In case you missed it, Ring penned a front-page love-letter (or job application) in the Rutland Herald/Times Argus to Welch by seemingly declaring that the freshman congressman walks on water and will skate to a new term. But guess what? The word “war” was nowhere in the piece. You’d think that an analysis of Welch’s first term would include a mention of what Welch, himself, declared to be his “number one priority” in his 2006 campaign. Or, better yet, you’d think that Ring would think back to his journalism school days and remember that seeking an oppositional voice makes for a balanced story. No such luck this time. And we wonder why Vermont politicians are re-elected for life. Thank the media.
Finally, while I’m on the subject of the lazy Vermont media, I would be remiss if I didn’t take a much deserved poke at the Vermont Press Bureau’s Louis Porter for his shallow and ill-informed report on Ralph Nader’s recent visit to Vermont. Instead of focusing on the issues that Nader is pushing – universal health care, ending the Iraq War today, and confronting obscene corporate power – Porter took the no-brainer route by regurgitating the mantra of “Nader’s a spoiler.” But Porter cited a book entitled, “What Was Ralph Nader Thinking?” to prop up his argument that “liberals” are upset with Nader for his previous presidential campaigns. Umm, Louis, try reading the book instead of just the title. Because, if you did, you’d know that it was written by Jurgen Vsych, a woman who worked for the Nader 2004 campaign and answered her title question with the obvious: Because he’s got something real and different to say.
Enough already. I’ve got clients to service.
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A word whore? What’s all this guilt about getting paid to write. If someone is paying you, that means you’re a professional, right? And I’m not talking about the world’s oldest profession, either.
OK–write this scenario up, Wordsmith:
Hillary steals Dem. nomination, Vt. Dems trash Vt. Progs and vice-versa. McCain elected, Douglas re-elected after World Series canceled due to drug/sex/gambling/minister scandal involving John Lester and Jason Giambi…McCain drops dead on X-Mas and Huckabee sworn in..Hillary calls for re-vote, Supreme Court says NAHHH!…Huckabee declares Martial Law…Kucinich calls for Americans to take up arms and march to Washington…Amer. Friends block highways, smiling and waving with signs saying Stop The Violence!…UFOs land in California, Nebraska, and Vermont…Gov. Douglas says he will not meet with ‘terrorists’ from foreign planets, urges McCain to use Nukes…Nukes used…EVERYBODY DIES, except those Americans who have eaten Monsanto GE Health Bars for last ten years…new world order established with garbage as currency…UFOs bring their garbage, devaluing our garbage…Intergalactic Garbage War between Alien Planets results in treaty declaring Milky Way a ‘garbage-free zone’…Hillary Clinton, a closet Monsanto junkie appointed Earth Leader…aliens offer all Earth survivors a $300.00 ‘Sorry ‘Bout That’
remittance…money is garbage, but also edible…the human race will survive, procreate, and prosper once again…somebody from South Carolina throws a rock at Europe…Vt. Dems & Progs start trashing each other again…everything back to normal…Douglas, another closet Monsanto freak says: “See, I told you I had a plan.”…then vetoes proposed relief for Nuke survivors, calling it “a stunt.” Meanwhile, Cult of Colby sweeps nation as millions go into ‘hiding’ to write the Great American Novel, in 25 words or less.
Michael, good to read you after a while being away, too.
Yeah, I’ve noticed how Vermont (and some national) media have been helping Peter W in his marketing schtick. So much for the 4th Estate accountability.