Master-Debating Blogging

September 26, 2008 | 9 Comments

The on again/off again campaign of John McCain is…well…apparently on again. Whew. Because for a day or two I was wondering where I was going to get my daily belly laugh. You did hear that those belly laughs are good for your health, didn’t you? Perhaps that’s the heart of the McCain health plan. Just don’t tell him that we’re laughing AT him.

As I type this, McCain is reportedly on a plane with his wife and headed to tonight’s debate location, where he’s certainly getting dope slapped and artfully scolded by the ice-cold Cindy for fucking this one up, too. And when she’s not knocking around the guy she refers to as “the penguin,” she’s frantically on the phone with your various pill-providers seeking something – anything! – that will help make her hubby at least look like a sane man during tonight’s debate.

Sorry, Cindy, but some things are beyond pills – or money. But I guess that’s what you get when you step in to steal a husband many, many, many years older than you: They start drooling on the fine linens way before you’re prepared to start cleaning it up. Bummer. And double bummer for you, because you had the money. You dope.

Tonight’s debate should be a real treat. We’ve cancelled our movie plans for the evening so we can stay home and watch the debate entertainment. And since everything in this campaign has been about dramatic twists and turns, it wouldn’t surprise me at this point if Obama did something ridiculous during the debates just to continue the pattern. He might, for example, break out in a fit of laughter at his own proclamation that he represents change when he remembers the makeup of his foreign policy team of Madeleine Albright, Sam Nunn and Warren Christopher. Change? Only if it means changing their diapers.

But given McCain’s delusional behavior over the last couple of days, all he really has to do is pop the pills that Cindy manages to come up with and complete a few coherent sentences and the idiot-middle will feel like he met their very, very low expectations. Besides, you know McCain will use about half of his time filibustering with a torrent of crocodile-tear-filled odes to the poor middle class. Really, he’ll say, he feels your pain – but he ain’t loaning you a house. Conservative compassion has its limits, you know.

The real injustice in tonight’s debate is the lack of inclusion of the man who truly represents change in this election: Ralph Nader. It is nothing short of outrageous that the two pretenders of change are allowed to preen and cavort on stage while the true fighter for change during his entire life – Nader – is locked out.

So, in order to do my part in presenting the message that won’t be presented tonight, here’s a little video message from the Nader campaign: