Governor Douglas: Build the Ribbon and He Will Come
January 14, 2008 | 6 Comments
Was that Governor Jim Douglas at the award ceremony for the Vermont National Guard over the weekend? My, oh my, it was. Funny, huh, that the Guv didn’t turn down this invitation and, instead, suggest they invite President Bush to be the guest of honor? Because is was Douglas who told the anti-war folks last week that talking to him about the war was a waste of time since it’s President Bush we needed to be speaking to. But when it comes to war ceremonies or war funerals, Douglas is your war man for sure.
It’s all typical Douglas: Duck, dodge and negate. Come on, the guy’s learned a few things over his 35 years of being a professional politician. Which brings to mind a talent of his that is perhaps his best: Pretending to be an “aw-shucks” outsider when he’s really the king of insiders – 35 years of drawing that government paycheck, baby.
Douglas wants to duck and dodge the war when it’s not involving jingoism (ceremonies) or tragedies (funerals). If he can wrap himself in the so-called glories of war, Douglas is all for being the man Vermonters can cheer or tear-up with.
Just don’t bother him with the “issues” of the war. You know, things like how he, as the commander-in-chief of the Vermont National Guard, communicates to President Bush about the war. Douglas, for example, is following the polls on the war and now says he supports an “exit strategy.” Fine. Welcome aboard the sanity train. But has Douglas expressed this to Bush, the literal war leader, the man he campaigned for, and the man who invited Douglas and his wife over for a sleepover in the White House? Nope.
Douglas also ducked and dodged when the horrors of Abu Ghraib were first breaking. I remember going to his press conference at the time and asking him about the torture and humiliation going on there. Did Douglas, I wanted to know, support those who were calling for Donald Rumsfeld’s firing? Nope. It’s up to President Bush, he said.
And that’s been typical Douglas throughout these war times. He’s ducked and dodged the sticky war issues of the day (torture, funding, effectiveness, legality, etc.) and hoped no one would bother to ask him about his very close connection with the man (and men) who continue to lead us down this ill-fated war path. Aw shucks, he would say, it was just a night in the White House. You know, kind of like a favor for being the chairman of the President’s re-election effort in Vermont.
But when it’s yellow ribbon time, watch Douglas nudge his way to the podium. He did it last weekend when he doled out medals to members of the Vermont National Guard who had recently returned from more than a year of serving in Iraq. He feels your pain. He understands your commitments (will, as much as a non-server could). He mourns your loss. He honors your service. He supports the troops. He supports the President (when convenient). But, please, do NOT ask him about the war.
Our efforts to engage Governor Douglas on the war during his State of the State speech last week was my second attempt to bring some anti-war activism to his doorstep. The first was shortly after the war broke out when I showed about 40 Montpelier High School students how easy it was to get into one of his press conferences. Once there, they demanded some answers, specifically, did he support the war? “That’s an issue for President Bush. You’ve come to the wrong place.” Hmm, the students wondered, it’s up to President Bush to decide if Douglas supported the war? Weird. But welcome to the world of duck and dodge.
And Douglas did the same last Thursday when eight of us begged this question – via banners — during his speech: What About the War? Sorry, folks, wrong house, he said. But feel free to bug the neighbors about it.
Sadly, it’s this kind of obfuscation – ducking and dodging – that we’ve come to expect from Douglas on a wide variety of issues. Douglas punted, for example, on health care reform, thus forcing the ridiculous non-solution known as Catamount Health. He did the same on energy issues and global warming when his fear of the bold – even when the bold is necessary – led to his veto of the energy bill. And the same for campaign finance reform, as his intransigence on that issue is effectively killing it for the upcoming election season.
I guess it’s really not too difficult to understand the Douglas Doctrine. You simply show him the ribbon, and he will come. Otherwise, don’t bother him.
Excuse Me, Governor, But We’re At War
January 11, 2008 | 13 Comments
“We won’t stop until someone calls the cops,
and even then we’ll start again and just pretend
that nothing ever happened.”
– Kimya Dawson, Loose Lips
Well, that was fun. Our little trip to the State House yesterday, that is. Damn, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m becoming a little addicted to democracy. But when that conscience thing starts kicking in, I can hardly stop myself from running into the streets to assert my right to make a complete ass of myself – er, I mean, wax poetically about democracy. But the yawning masses still go gently into each night with nice, happy thoughts about yellow ribbons on their bumpers. Maybe I should just sell coffee. Curses, Starbucks!
Oh yeah, yesterday. I almost forgot. Yep, I was one of the eight fun-loving folks who decided that it was going to be mighty odd for Governor Jim Douglas to get away not even mentioning the Iraq War during his State of the State speech. And our hunches were correct: Douglas fully ignored the war. Not. One. Word. In other words, he issued one, big “never mind” to a war that has claimed 26 Vermonters’ lives, cost the state’s taxpayers an estimated $660 million, and hijacked our national psyche. You’d think that a Governor so obsessed with giving lip service to “affordability” might want to ponder that $660 million figure. But no such luck with Douglas.
Well, we wanted to hear about the war yesterday. Or, better yet, we wanted to put the war on the agenda of our state legislature. Yo leaders: We’re at war! So we put the word out (editor’s note: that means calling Boots). Made some five-minute plans and banners. And then gathered today at the State House about an hour before the Governor’s speech to get good seats and prepare for some afternoon unfurling.
They are a mighty clean and shiny bunch at the State House. Yikes. You’d think none of them had been shoveling horse shit – or snow for that matter. Of course not. Not the shiny people. The King of Shiny Senators, Peter Shumlin, spoke for the shiny, liberal masses when he told the Vermont Press Bureau that while he “understood our frustrations” he didn’t approve of our choice of venue. Of course not. They never do. Whatever we do. But they always share our frustration. How nice. And it is just really “frustrating” that 4000 soldiers have died, tens of thousands are coming back with serious physical and mental disabilities, more than 150,000 Iraqis have died and millions displaced and terrorized and the world remains destabilized by it all. Bummer, huh? Oops, I mean “frustrating.”
Yeah, you’re right, we shouldn’t have brought that up to the Governor. I mean, he had lotteries to talk about. And “tax equity” (good luck with that). And, oh yeah, health care. But wait, they’re connected – the war and domestic issues. Which leads us back to that $660 million that Vermonters have sent to prosecute this war. According to the National Priorities Project, that amount of money would provide full health care for 240,000 people. Or it would pay for providing renewable electricity to nearly a million households (four times the number of households in Vermont). Or provide 61,000 college scholarships. Or hire nearly 12,000 teachers. You get the point: It’s a whole-lotta-loot. And it’s our loot.
But Governor Douglas told the media that we brought our protest to the wrong place. Go to the federal government, he counseled us. Oh yeah, we’ve been there. Just ask Peter Welch. But Governor Doulgas wants us to forget a few important facts. First, he wants us to forget that as the governor, he’s also the commander-in-chief of the Vermont National Guard. And as we all know, the Vermont National Guard is in Iraq. Next, Governor Douglas would like us to forget about the above-mentioned tax figures. And, finally, Douglas really, really, really wants us all to forget that he was the chairman of the Vermont Committee to Re-elect President Bush and has been an overnight guest at Bush’s White House.
Hmmm, sounds like a good anti-war target to me.
But we accomplished our goals yesterday. We wanted to make sure the war was mentioned in the State House yesterday. And we wanted to ask the Governor and the legislature to do whatever they can to help put an end to it. Here’s the “communiqué” that we circulated after we unfurled our banners and were dutifully removed from the House Chamber during Douglas’ speech:
Vermont Troops Home Now.
Today, in the Vermont People’s State House, a group of students, veterans and citizens decided it was time to put the issue of the War on Iraq on Vermont’s legislative agenda. And so we’ve come to Governor Jim Douglas’ State of the State address to remind him, the Legislature and all Vermonters that we are a nation waging an illegal war against Iraq – a war that has left tens of thousands dead, cost nearly $500 billion, and diverted our nation’s attention from other pressing issues that deserve our attention. This war must end now. And every elected official – indeed, every citizen – must take action now to end the Iraq War and re-focus our national and state priorities.
The Governor’s State of the State address is traditionally a time to set the state’s agenda. It is a time to assess our past and look toward the future. But the “elephant in the room” that will probably go unmentioned is the war and its impact on all of our lives. So, we ask the Governor and members of the Legislature to consider these facts:
- 26 Vermonters have lost their lives in the Iraq War.
- It has been estimated that Vermont’s share of the cost of the Iraq War is over $660 million (see reverse).
- Vermont’s National Guard is participating in the occupation of a sovereign nation.
- U.S. Military and National Guard recruiters are actively preying on Vermont high school students and others to join the armed services and serve in this illegal war.
- More than 70% of Vermonters oppose the Iraq War.
Therefore, we ask that the Governor and the Vermont Legislature listen to the people and begin to take immediate action to help end the Iraq War and/or Vermont’s role in it, including:
- A call for an immediate end to the war directed at the President, Congress, and Vermont’s Congressional delegation.
- A demand that all Vermont troops come home now.
- An end to military recruitment in Vermont’s high schools.
Out of Iraq, Out of Our Schools
Same. Old. Shit.
January 9, 2008 | 5 Comments
Whew. Everything’s back to normal now. Hillary Clinton won. The Dems are acting like Dems. Change means status quo. The media is calling John McCain and Hillary Clinton the “comeback kids.” An apparent tear means more than a policy. Liberal bloggers are irrelevant. And, for course, none of us have to be bothered by the fact that we’re a nation at war. That’s sooooo last year. I feel so much better. Or, as Michael Stipe would say: “It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.”
Excuse me while I wring my brain out like a filthy washcloth. Because I don’t want the names Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney and the term “agent of change” lingering around in my mind together. It’s kind of creepy. I don’t want to have the image of Chuck Norris and Mike Huckabee there anymore, either. And I’m tired of the predictions and the pontification and the prognostication. Because it’s pretty clear that no one really knows what the fuck is happening out there.
You’d think that after nearly everyone blew it yesterday by assuring us all that a tidal wave of Obama-mania was inevitable that they’d take a few days to be quiet and lick their wounds. No such luck. Instead, at the very moment the facts were telling them that they were as wrong as wrong could be they began to spin how they now know why they were wrong and how they are now going to be right. The business of bullshit is a growth industry.
But I’m rinsing it all out. Wash, rinse, and wring. Goodbye sordid morsels of ninniness. Well, other than to say: The Dems deserve Hillary. Let the rotten ship sail….
The Next Great Thing
January 6, 2008 | 2 Comments
I’ve been thinking about cattle ranching. Like, getting into it. You know, being a cattle rancher. I would say, “I am a cattle rancher” to people who would ask me what I do.
So I Googled it. And the first thing I read from Beefmagazine.com was that I needed to pick a preferred calving season, with this in mind:
“Starting the calving season at or just prior to peak native forage production — both in quality and quantity — should result in: excellent calving conditions, thus less calf death loss; faster return to estrus in cows; less harvested feed fed in late gestation; and little or no supplemental feed fed during lactation.”
Cool. Of course, I’m going to need a barn, too. And a pasture. Some water. Heat? Do you need heat? I’ve got to remember to ask that.
Meat is it this year. Or so I’m told. And for the first time in my life I’m going to get in on the ground floor. I’m aiming for the top of the financial curve in the next meat explosion. Is that how you say it? Remember to ask about that, too.
I’ve raised puppies. And kittens. They grew fine. But it must feel different to raise them for food. Feeding time must be rather conflicting. Come here you cute little thing and eat and get fat so I can kill you for money. I guess it works. But I’d probably need a beer.
But I like meat. And I like farming. You have to like farming and farmers in America. You have to wave friendly waves to any farmer you see, even while they’re doing something foul. It’s just the way it’s done. I think it has something to do with feeling really disconnected when we see them. So if we wave and say we “love farmers,” we feel a little less odd about our own jobs and disconnection. But I could be wrong.
I hope people wave to me like I wave to farmers when I become a rancher. It must feel so good. “Hello! Neighbor! Working! Man!”
But first things first. I don’t want it to get away from me. I can’t let this idea die like the rest of the ideas. You know, before you even get up to take your first piss at the coffee shop.
Yeah, so what, I’m at a coffee shop. It’s where all my ideas seem to begin and end the same way. They begin with the rush of the first sip of caffeine and then become brilliant when I pop open my laptop and get that rush that says, “you are about to accomplish something.” I’m so proud. This is when I love the eye contact at the coffee shop. I want my eyes to tell your eyes that I’m onto something. I’m not just sitting here because I got tired of doing the same thing at home all by myself. Nope. I’m getting it done. Ladies and gentlemen, the man in the booth is really onto something.
But no sooner than I reach the apex in the curve of self-assuredness, doubt sets in. It’s fleeting at first. And I swat the early doubts away like the weird thoughts that come to mind when you’re at a funeral. Or a wedding. Or anything that narcissistic. I don’t know about you, but I always start to think about what would not and should not happen while I’m there. It’s probably just me.
And I’m really starting to doubt this whole cattle rancher thing. It feels so distant now that I think about it. There’s so much to learn. And if my own preferred calving season doesn’t instantly come to mind, I doubt my heart is in it. Besides, the more I think about being a cattle rancher the less I’m yearning for the eye contact with my fellow coffee drinkers. I feel like they sense the defeat.
I need to do something that’s going to keep my heart in it. And that doesn’t need so much start up time. I need to be doing something by lunchtime. Well, after lunch, because I’m feeling a little jittery from the coffee. I need to eat something, put this rancher idea behind me and start with something more immediate.
But first I need to take a piss.
Clean Beginnings
January 4, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Oh boy. I thought you left.
I did – left, that is. But you already knew that. You kept clicking and I kept avoiding. I guess we make a good team. Sort of.
I spent the holidays looking for the Baby Jesus. Poor guy, born amongst all that manger filth. I think he needs a hug. Or at least a shower. Besides, I’m beginning to think that he died in order to deliver us from the filth.
We’re so much cleaner now. We even dispense the soaps sanitarily. I mean, would you even touch a bar of soap at a bathroom sink any more? Of course you wouldn’t. You’re clean. Or at least clean minded. And that’s what matters.
I’m not sure why this all makes me think of the Baby Jesus. I guess I just keep thinking of the manger. And those animals at his birth. Did they even have any warm water? If they did, they never mentioned it. And I’d certainly think they would if they had cleanliness on their minds. Let’s face it, it was just a whole lot dirtier then. And we’re cleaner now. I like it this way.
From now on I want everything here to be clean. Real clean. Not just the language. But the thoughts, too. Yep, I want only clean thoughts and pure language here now. I want you to think about everybody you could be speaking to when you come here. Go ahead, think about them. And now use only clean thoughts and pure language to communicate with them.
Do.
Not.
Fuck.
This.
Up.
Do not, for example, confuse Santa for the Baby Jesus. Santa was born cleaner. I think.
And do not have lustful thoughts about the Fox News ladies telling you with a straight face that Mike Huckabee is an “agent of change.” That is dirty thinking. And I don’t want that here.
I want you to be happy. And clean.
Good luck.
And Happy New Year.
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