Clean Beginnings

January 4, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Oh boy. I thought you left.

I did – left, that is. But you already knew that. You kept clicking and I kept avoiding. I guess we make a good team. Sort of.

I spent the holidays looking for the Baby Jesus. Poor guy, born amongst all that manger filth. I think he needs a hug. Or at least a shower. Besides, I’m beginning to think that he died in order to deliver us from the filth.

We’re so much cleaner now. We even dispense the soaps sanitarily. I mean, would you even touch a bar of soap at a bathroom sink any more? Of course you wouldn’t. You’re clean. Or at least clean minded. And that’s what matters.

I’m not sure why this all makes me think of the Baby Jesus. I guess I just keep thinking of the manger. And those animals at his birth. Did they even have any warm water? If they did, they never mentioned it. And I’d certainly think they would if they had cleanliness on their minds. Let’s face it, it was just a whole lot dirtier then. And we’re cleaner now. I like it this way.

From now on I want everything here to be clean. Real clean. Not just the language. But the thoughts, too. Yep, I want only clean thoughts and pure language here now. I want you to think about everybody you could be speaking to when you come here. Go ahead, think about them. And now use only clean thoughts and pure language to communicate with them.

Do.
Not.
Fuck.
This.
Up.

Do not, for example, confuse Santa for the Baby Jesus. Santa was born cleaner. I think.

And do not have lustful thoughts about the Fox News ladies telling you with a straight face that Mike Huckabee is an “agent of change.” That is dirty thinking. And I don’t want that here.

I want you to be happy. And clean.

Good luck.

And Happy New Year.

Posted by M. Colby | Filed Under blog