Eat & Be Loud, America.

July 2, 2009 | 2 Comments

Oh my, the holiday is upon us. So, in case you forgot the drill, here’s your Broadsides’ checklist for Fourth of July survival:

1. Eat, you fat fuck.
2. Take the kids to eat too!
3. And drink!
4. Make noise, lots and lots of noise.
5. And to prepare for the noise you are about to make, mow your lawn twice a day and pretend your mower is yelling: “I fucking love America!” Don’t forget to smile.
6. Wave a flag and do not think about anything but waving that flag. Well, it’s okay to think about where you’re going to eat next. But then get back to thinking about your flag, and your meal, and your drink, and your noise. Fuck yeah.
7. Yell randomly. Just yell. Loudly. Whenever the fuck you want to yell (loudly).
8. Do not worry about the history of the day. That’s totally dorky.
9. If you find yourself thinking about George Washington, stop yourself. That is wrong. You should be thinking about Michael Jackson. Period.
10. If you find yourself thinking about Michael Jackson, stop yourself. Because he was a pedophile and a victim of our leisure.
11. Go to a teabagger party (oh hell, they’re back!) and proclaim — in a fit of patriotic glory (read: be loud!) – that you share their hatred for government waste.
12. And just when the teabaggers have barely stopped wetting themselves over the possibilities of having another member (what, that makes 4, right?), remind them that the largest amount of waste in the federal government’s budget is…(drum roll, please)…the military. Bring them home. Now. Fuck yeah.
13. Rinse and repeat.

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So let us swim naked. Or not. Speaking of which, check out Elizabeth’s cool blog post about just that topic.

And do yourself a favor by clicking on some of her links regarding the history of the swimsuit, the “patriotic” beginnings of the bikini (to save fabric – duh!), and some other fun posts about wanting to bare it all on – yes – Independence Day.

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Here’s another cool link – via Elizabeth – about swimming and living near water.

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Just a thought:

The Vermont blogosphere is filled with drama queens. Such little fish in such a small pond making such a nuisance of themselves.

Children, please, please, please, keep it down out there. Or, better yet, give me some truth.

(And special note to Petey: I think it’s time to find a new hobby.)

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Speaking of Vermont blogs, I’m still polishing up my new adventure. Buckle your seatbelts. And, better yet, stay tuned.

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I’ve got more to say but I’ve got to go outside and yell something like: “Fuck yeah America and Michael Jackson and the noise we can make because if you complain we will kill you with more than noise!”

Ain’t it great to be 233?!

Sis-BOOM-bah.

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